The Geometry of Silence
If coffee would be a Symphony, UNFLTRD is a room full of musicians tuning their instruments - perfectly pitched, technically accurate, but refusing to ever play the song.
I walked in from a dull, grey street hoping to find a hidden diamond.
Instead, I walked into a Cubist painting: sharp angles, fragmented hospitality, and total blockage.
The staff - a "VIP Barista" and his colleague - didn't greet me; they weighed me, first.
Like Cherubims playing with Aphrodite’s dangerous toys, they looked panic-stricken by my Google Pixel 10 Pro camera, freezing like deer in headlights rather than maestros on a stage.
The "Performance":
I asked politely to be amazed(to recommend what they consider exceptional) .
I wanted an "Aria".
Instead, I got a defensive mumble about "bag descriptions."
The "VIP Barista" acted less like a Conductor and more like a Gatekeeper, unable to guide me through his own repertoire.
I had to force the baton into his hand: a punchy Brazilian espresso (the "cheap" seat, nevertheless 😉) and an Ethiopian in a Cappuccino.
The Physics of Failure:
Here lies their tragedy.
They have the Stradivarius (LaMarzzocco espresso machine!). They have the perfect raw materials/composition - Manhattan Roasters beans.
They have the metronome (digital scales). But they lack exactly "the soul".
The espresso was extracted like a mathematical Radical - precise, sharp, but fundamentally "squared." It was obtuse.
The vessel's choice was a crime against physics: a thin wall, clay notNeutral cup, that trapped the heat like a furnace, refusing to let the Ethiopian notes cool and bloom.
And the water? Blunt, self-service tap water.
In a place that charges for excellence, the water should be the first violin, not a backstage afterthought.
The Plank vs. The Kouign-Amann
The atmosphere was an oppressive silence, broken only by a forgettable playlist of rap-pop - a soundtrack for a co-working space, not a sanctuary.
The real experience was boiled down to this:
You have two (2) minutes to consume an experience.
You can spend them doing a physical Plank-tense, enduring, technically impressive, but painful.
Or, you can spend them eating a Kouign-Amann - buttery, layered, and joyous.
Pastora (my benchmark for the whole Madrid city) is the Kouign-Amann; a social hub where strangers become friends. UNFLTRD is the Plank.
A technically proficient exercise in isolation.
Verdict:
⬛️ (Squared). Excellent gear, hollow art.