The Dissonance of Dosis: A Holographic Illusion
Since specialty coffee, for me, at least, is an art form, of craftsmanship, Dosis Café is a Theater 🎭 production, where the set design is expensive, but "the actors" have forgotten their lines.
I left the vibrant, life-affirming Sun of the main Calle de Fuencarral and turned into a dark alley - a setting reminiscent of Valle-Inclán’s "Esperpento," where reality feels grim and distorted (at 12:37 PM).
Entering the shop felt less like finding a sanctuary and more like descending into a gray mood - a dim stage where the lighting engineer fell asleep.
The First Movement: The Props
At first glance, the overture seemed promising.
The shelves scream "modernity" with holographic, iridescent coffee bags and guest roasters like Five Ways (which are amazing, by the way).
The walls boast awards - "Best Coffee Shop 20.." - shining like "gold medals". But look closer, and the illusion cracks.
Usually, these medals 🏅 are "Pay-to-Play" awards or local blog polls where friends vote for friends.
A Reality Check from my side: A true Champion doesn't need a "sticker" on the walls to tell you they are "the best"; hence, the cleanliness of the portafilter and the shine on the steam wand tell you. 😉
If you have "Best Coffee Shop 20.." on the walls, but dirty dishes in the customer’s view, that "award" is a lie. It is a "participation trophy" for hipsters.
The "Best Shop" has a sink full of dirty dishes in plain sight.
The vibe wasn't "Zen"; it’s "fugitive."
The corners were occupied not by coffee lovers, but by people hiding from the World 🌍, turning the space into a stagnant "waiting room" for the next destination - with trolleys and coats thrown all over the place...
The Second Movement: The Missing Guarneri
I came expecting at least a "Slayer" - the "Guarneri del Gesù" of espresso machines, famous for its needle-valve precision and powerful flow profiling.
Instead, I found the orchestra pit occupied by a ... LaCimbali.
A reliable "tractor," sure, but asking it to perform the delicate extraction needed for a light-roast Tanzania is like asking a sledgehammer enthusiast to play the first violin.
The Climax: The Symphony of Soup
Then came the "crime."
Since it was my 5th coffee of the day, I ordered a Cappuccino (clasic test) with their Tanzania origin - a delicate piece of music that requires fat and protein to carry the tune.
Instead, what I witnessed was a culinary felony.
On the counter sat the weapon: "Metro Chef" Skimmed Milk 1,5 % (Leche Desnatada).
Generic. Industrial. Watery.
To serve Premium beans (or perhaps they are not?🤔) with the cheapest HORECA skimmed milk is to drown a soloist in a bucket of grey water.
It wasn't a "Flat White" ideation; it was a new and improved for masses - "Specialty Soup."
A watery, tragedy sold at Premium price.
The Physics of Failure
Even the coffee vessels (cups in our case) conspired against the ultimate "experience".
The custom-branded "DOSIS" cups feature a completely flat, unglazed bottom.
Any student of physics knows this kills the fluid dynamics. Without a curve to create the toroidal swirl, the crema dies, the heat sinks into the clay, and the flavor separates.
They paid extra for a cup designed to silence the coffee. 😱🤔
The Finale: Identity Crisis
The counter told the final sad story.
Beside the High-end "microdosis" test tubes lay a menu offering "Pumpkin Spice Lattes" and "Mango Bubble Tea." 😳
You cannot be a "High-End Laboratory" and a Commercial sugar-trap at the same time...
You cannot play a Symphony and a TikTok jingle simultaneously. Fisycally impossible...
Verdict: 🎭 (The Masquerade) .
A holographic sticker on a bag of "industrial soup"...😥